Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
