it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
