He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
