My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
