he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
