I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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