My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
