you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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