Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
