i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize