my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
