This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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