exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't turn off my feet"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize