I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
