I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
