youre lurking in front of me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are we still banned from the library?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
