you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Help me help you realize you are a moron
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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