i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
