the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
