HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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