Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
