This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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