that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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