Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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