I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
