It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
