We won't sleep together?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
