Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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