so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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