it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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