i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
