My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
