He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
