babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
