I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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