Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
