K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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