Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
