her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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