Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
