it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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