are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I cut my penus on the lid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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