if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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