I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
