I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
