Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
