am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
