just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she looked like the before picture.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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