my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
