garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize