We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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