Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
