That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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