he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
