dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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