I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
