Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
