I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize