dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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