If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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