Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Randomize
