Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I looked at my own cervix.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
