he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
