U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
