Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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