he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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