I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think i got beer on your cat.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
