Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
