3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
