New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize