LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
