i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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