Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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