Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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