i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
