dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize