that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
