Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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