your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
