I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm really busy with my period
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