so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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