look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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