it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
