Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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