so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
