I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
