I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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