new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
