just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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