I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
