yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
