I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
