Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
