About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
