Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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