R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize