TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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