Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
