i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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