I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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