he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
