Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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