Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
