you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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