Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize