My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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